Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize