Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
