I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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