So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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