Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
