dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
