Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
