How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
