Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
