I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize