he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
