look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
