4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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