She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pants are for mortals
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
