Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
