She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
