why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize