Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
