just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
