Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize