u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
