I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
