there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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