Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
