Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
