And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
