I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
