my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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