i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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