mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
