The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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