Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
