this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
