YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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