I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
