oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
