Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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