I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize