Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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