Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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