My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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