I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
