Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
