im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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