Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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