i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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