I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
