Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
