I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
