Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
