After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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