I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
