Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
