so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
