if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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