Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
