there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
