Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
