My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
