this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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