soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
