Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
