Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
