ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
