I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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