new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
