Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
