I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
