I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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