Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize