Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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