I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
