So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
