I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
