Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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