im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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