the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
