Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
