you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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