You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
